lol, ok, I guess I was asking for that.
But in top, slapd CPU usage is jumping all over the place, which is expected as incoming queries hit the server.
in ps, it sits relatively stable, not moving. I can turn off the queries to this machine by setting a weight of zero at the load balancer and the CPU usage doesn't change.
It's almost like it's showing me a memory usage stat instead of a CPU usage stat.
I'll keep debugging, but for reference, the exact command I'm using is watch -n 1 'ps um --user=ldap'